In the Land that Made Me... Me

Long ago and far away, in a land time has forgot, before the days of Dylan, or the dawn of Camelot.

There lived a race of innocents, known as you and me. Heroes were for praising, they were known to keep us free.

Ike was in the White House in that land where we were born, navels were oranges, and Peyton Place was porn.

We learned to gut a muffler, we washed our hair at dawn, we spread our crinolines to dry in circles on the lawn.

We longed for love and romance, and waited for our Prince, Eddie Fisher married Liz, no one's seen him since.

We danced to 'Little Darlin' sang with Sandra Dee, we cried for Buddy Holly in the Land That Made Me...Me.

Only girls wore earrings then, and 3 was one too many, only boys wore flat-top cuts, except for Jean McKinney.

Only in our wildest dreams did we expect to see a boy named George with lipstick, in the Land That Made Me...Me.

We fell for Frankie Avalon, Annette was oh, so nice.
When they made a movie, they never made it twice.

We didn't have a Star Trek 5, or Psycho 2 and 3, no Rocky-Rambo 20 in the Land That Made Me...Me.

Miss Kitty had a heart of gold, and Chester had a limp, Reagan was a Democrat, his co-star was a chimp.

We had a Mr. Wizard, but not a Mr. T, Oprah couldn't talk yet, in the Land That Made Me...Me.

We had our share of heroes, we never thought they'd go, at least not Bobby Darin or that sexy Marilyn Monroe.

Youth was still eternal, and life was yet to be, Elvis was forever in the Land That Made Me...Me.

We'd never seen the rock band that was Grateful to be Dead, airplanes weren't named Jefferson, and Zeppelins were not Led.

Beatles lived in gardens then, and Monkees lived in trees, Madonna was a virgin in the Land That Made Me...Me.

We'd never heard of microwaves, or telephones in cars, babies might be bottle-fed, but they didn't start in jars.

Pumping iron got the wrinkles out, 'gay' meant fancy-free, co-ed dorms NEVER! in the Land That Made Me...Me.

We hadn't seen enough of jets to talk about the lag,
Microchips were little scraps, left in the bottom of the bag.

Hardware was a box of nails, bytes came from a flea, rocket ships were fiction in the land that Made Me...Me.

Buicks came in two-tone, cars all had those fins, side shows came with freaks, bathing suits were large enough to cover both your cheeks.

Coke came just in bottles, and skirts below the knee,
Castro came to power near the Land That Made Me...Me.

Crest had no flouride, there was no Hill Street Blues, no such thing as pantyhose, no primetime ads for condoms or herpes in the Land that Made Me...Me.

Murder trials were handled swift and fair, perps didn't whine and cry,
their daddy's ignoring their homework was not a reason why.

We went to stores to buy our stuff, no HSN or QVC.
We knew our neighbors, kids stayed in school, nothing special for a fee.

No golden arches, no Perrier to chill, no fish called Wanda, Halloween was our biggest thrill.

Middle age was 35, old was forty-three, ancient were our paunchy parents in the Land that Made me...Me.

All things have a season, or so we've heard them say.
Instead of using Helene Curtis or Maybelline we swear by Retin-A.

They use to flirt and kiss alot - now Cialis and Vicotin. I spose there is no more Lassie now, and no more Rin Tin Tin.

Now we face a brave new world in slightly larger jeans, and wonder why they're using smaller print in magazines.

We tell our children's children of the way it used to be, long ago and far away in the Land That Made Me...Me.

State of What Union?

This is probably the best piece of logic that I have seen regarding the US Presidential Elections in Nov. 2008 !!!!

After long and serious thought, I have decided to endorse Senator John McCain for President. I have always voted for the person and have not voted for anyone because some political party was telling me who I should vote for.

We all know the choices by now and, that said, I do believe that the process of selecting a chief executive is deeply flawed. The words 'money' and 'special interests' come to mind, among many others.

Here's the way I see it: Barack Obama, you are a fine public speaker. You are also an extremely liberal Senator from the State of Illinois , which has a long and rich history of political corruption of the first magnitude. You are indeed a child of that system.

You have finally insulted my intelligence far beyond my capacity to tolerate your insults. It has nothing at all to do with your skin color. As a matter of fact, it would be so COOL to finally have an African-American for President. What a great statement that would be to the entire world that we are indeed the greatest country on earth! But, unfortunately, General Colin Powell is not running, and YOU are NOT the man for this job!

Barack baby, you want me to believe that you have never heard the sermons of your own pastor, the Right Reverend 'G-- D--- America' Jeremiah Wright. It is a matter of record that this has been your church for over 20 years. It is a matter of record that you were married there by this very pastor, and that your children were baptized there.

The good Reverend saw fit to visit Khadafy in Libya with you and to give a lifetime achievement award to Louis Farrakhan, of all people. We have all now seen excerpts of his sermons all over the airwaves by now. And you have publicly stated that this man IS your 'spiritual mentor'.

BUT, your pastor is NOT the reason I am NOT voting for you. His words were disturbing enough, but it is your own HUGE church congregation, seen jumping, hooting and howling to his words in the background that disturb me the most. And please don't tell me you attended church there and never once heard a 'discouraging word' in the 20 years you attended there. Don't tell me, that in addition to the good Reverend, that you are now not having anything to do with all those other people seen hooting and howling out in the audience in the background of his fiery tirades. Even Oprah Winfrey got disgusted and walked out. I am no Oprah fan, but still she did the right thing.

Now YOU look me in the eye and ask me to believe that you never heard such language in all the years you attended there! This is like me telling you that I attended dozens of Klan rallies and never once heard the 'N' word. Yep. And Bill Clinton 'did not inhale'.

Yes, Mr. Obama, we all have friends who have said stupid things that embarrassed us, but NOW you have asked me to believe something that is so incredibly stupid that you are telling me that I am just stupid enough to believe you. THAT is the main reason that I will never vote for you.

I am deeply sorry, that in a county teeming with enormously talented African Americans who would make a good President, that the political system has chosen YOU. You are a pathetic and plastic excuse for an American, who will not even salute the Flag during the Pledge of Allegiance. God forbid you ever get near the Oval Office.

Now, did I mention Bill Clinton? AH YES! This brings us to MRS. WILLIAM JEFFERSON CLINTON, who this candidate really is, in spite of all the other names she may care to call herself. This 'feminist' piece of work of course would like to be referred to as MS.and we all know who wears the pant suit in that family.

MS. Clinton, it is just as depressing to realize that there are dozens of women who would also make great Presidents. But, fortunately, the horrible state of the selection process has selected YOU. Ms. Clinton, I'm sorry, but you could not tell the truth if we water boarded your worthless A$$! Still you play the role of the 'embarrassed but dignified noble wife'. What utter malarky!

I am not voting for you for a world of reasons, but the main one is the same as my not voting for Senator Obama. You persistently insult my intelligence. It COULD be conceivably possible that you did not know about Monica Lewinsky, extremely remote, but possible if we stretch our imaginations a bit. But you turn around and then ask me to believe that you also did not know about Paula Jones and the legion of other women who were chewed up and spit out by your lecherous excuse for a husband.

Puleese turn off this broken record !!!

But let's set aside your hubby's flagrant pecadillos. The real reason I will never vote for you is that I don't think the country can survive EIGHT MORE YEARS of Whitewater, Travelgate, Filegate, Sandy Berger stuffing his socks with classified intelligence, Janet Reno's goon squad, and the myriad other corruptions that seem to stick to you like your ugly face. So our former President can't keep his d### in his pants. The REAL issue is that he committed perjury under oath when he lied about it and the pathetically-attempted coverup that followed. Like you, he is totally incapable of telling the truth. He could not do it if you tortured him, and in voting for you, we would get the BOTH of you, all over again -- the same folks who could have taken out Osama Bin Laden over 3,000 dead Americans ago!

And please stop telling me that you have EIGHT years of experience' to lead us. You were the freakin' first lady already, not the Commander in Chief. Jeez! The sum of your 'experience' is that of the most worrisome and incompetent meddling in the history of the White House. You even cursed your pitiful staff and the Secret Service agents who were and still are unfortunately charged with risking their lives to protect your worthless, thieving hide, and all at the expense of other people who have to work for a living.

Your single pathetic platform is to finance the illegal drugs, alcoholism and bad habits of the very lowest and most irresponsible freeloaders in America and to then 'garnish the wages' (your own words) of every law-abiding and hard-working American to pay for it. This disaster you refer to as 'Universal Health Care'.

Where have you been the last 30 years? Did you not see that socialism is a failure wherever it has been tried? Did you not notice that the Soviet Union has collapsed since it gave no reward to those who worked the hardest for the fruits of their own labors to pay for those who will not??

It is interesting to see all the dead bodies that you and your hubby have left in your wake: Suicides, mysterious deaths, cover-ups that make Richard Nixon look like a rank amateur. The utter contempt and unbelievable arrogance of some of your strongest supporters, most notably the recently resigned and disgraced Governor Eliot Spitzer, the epitome of hypocritical and malevolent arrogance gone wild, one of your most ardent, wealthy and powerful political supporters. A man the news media refuses to admit IS a 'super delegate' in your own political machine, a fine example of your own 'adopted' state of New York. No wonder you moved there to run for Senator! The environment there is perfect for the likes of you! Yes, I would vote for a woman, but I will NOT vote for YOU! Which leaves us with Senator John McCain.

John, you are a flawed man. You are a bit old, a bit looney, and you have a notoriously bad temper.

This perfectly qualifies you, in my humble opinion, to lead us for the next eight years. I WANT your trembling hand on the nuclear button. Think about it. We have Kim Jong IL, Chavez and Ahmadenijad all running around like lunatics, threatening America and threatening to plunge the world into nuclear Armageddon. We have Putin and the Chinese blustering and rattling their sabres at us.

I want John McCain in the Oval Office and I want him to be really pissed off at all these other nut jobs around the planet. John, once you are elected, I want you to go into the Oval Office and throw one of your perfect FITS. Jump up and down and throw something through a plate glass window. Rip the drapes down and foam at the mouth a bit. And I want the whole thing on camera so that Ahmadinejad can see it.

I want ALL of these 'world leaders' to lay awake at night and to break out in a cold sweat every time they think of messing with the United States of America. I want the nuclear button sitting right next to the alarm clock on your night stand. I want pictures of this to be sent to Iran, Russia , China ,Venezuela , Cuba , Libya , Syria , Pakistan ,and those other a%$holes in the sheets, the Saudis.

On the domestic front, poor John did try and reach across the aisle to the opposition in a desperate effort to compromise and to get the Congress to do something. You may not agree with his efforts, but at least he TRIED. For all his efforts, all he got handed to him was his head in a basket. The liberals are pissed at him and the conservatives are pissed at him. Just my kinda guy.

I predict that John will select Senator Joe Lieberman as his running mate. Good choice. I want a JEW whose memory of the Holocaust is still fresh in his mind and who is royally pissed off at all of these towel-headed morons in the Middle East to be the next in line if something should happen to John. Shalom, Vice President Joe -- one heartbeat from the Oval Office.

Finally. John McCain knows on a most personal level what it is to suffer horrible torture for years and to see others die, right in front of you, for their love of America. When you ask him about it, he will tell you that what he did was 'nothing special'. Even more incredibly, he states that ANY American who truly loves his country would do exactly the same as he did in that situation. You and I will have a hard time believing that; but the real point is that John McCain believes that about the 'average American'. And that, dear friends and neighbors, is why I will cast my one poor ballot for on election day for John McCain -- warts and all.

That should sum it all up. Once again I don't know who wrote this but I thank them. If you have not been insulted in one way or another, we have a lot in common. As to fear of an insult - no insult can be as great as though who are trying to destroy everything this country stands for. Be careful what you ask for!

CAUTION - THIS IS THE INTERNET

A hint of possible abuse to someone I know from internet friendship has bothered me all day. Obviously it falls under the mind-your-own business Pirate and I will but allow me to share some observations about internet relationships in general.

Twenty years ago it was unimagined that people would be able to connect with hundreds, thousands, even millions of people all over the world through their magical internet connections. The internet has revolutionized how we communicate with the rest of the world. It has taken the role that newspapers, radios and televisions used to play and pushed it a step further. Internet encounters are living proof that we have become a part of a global village as the internet transcends provincial, national and international borders and boundaries.

In my nineteen years of being addicted to this internet thing, I have experienced personally, and watched others who have suffered the consequences of hurtful internet affairs, deception, fraud, manipulation, mental and sexual abuse online. Serious emotional pain and sorrow can be caused by such interactions.

INTERNET FRIENDSHIPS

Internet friendships can be healthy when shared by healthy individuals. In such scenarios people who normally would never have found one another can share common interests, hobbies and passions. As time passes these relationships may evolve and become part of a creative network that not only support and inspire but also challenge each other in a constructive way.

EMOTIONALLY-DEPENDENT RELATIONSHIPS

Internet relationships enter a slippery slope when one or both parties are emotionally needy and desperate. In the beginning the relationship provides a lot of support and fills the emotional vacuum but over a period of time one party becomes more and more demanding and the other party with all the good intentions cannot keep up with the need.

It is not uncommon for a needy person to project their unfulfilled desires and dreams and become obsessed with an internet relationship. Because the internet relationship feels very good, and very powerful, it can be a driving force that propels all thought, all feeling, and all motive. Some may abandon real-life relationships, some may not have those in real-life at all.

This need can lead to dangerous online (and offline) situations. Worst of all, it often causes irreparable damage to integrity, dignity, and reputation.

Sadly some people often wrongly interpret subtle nuances in voice and body language even when having a real-life physical conversation. In the surreal, artificial environment of the internet, those nuances are further limited by the inability to express them electronically. It's very easy for you - and the person with whom you are communicating - to misinterpret intentions and motive.

Others needs to live in the moment (without consideration of future consequences) can be real a problem, especially during periods of mania and depression.

The internet is filled with people whose poor self-esteem produces a desperate need for attention, friendship, and validation from other human beings. These feelings make some extremely vulnerable to internet stalking, manipulation, and deceit.

When afflicted with grandiosity, some believe they have absolute clarity and can do no wrong. All their decisions - even the horrifically bad ones - "feel right," and they all make perfect sense..

As an amateur student of human psychology, I observe the mystery and anonymity of internet relationships stimulates people’s imaginations. They start these relationships at the point where reality merges with fantasy. If both parties are pursuing the dialogue with good conscience then it enriches the relationship but if one or both parties are emotionally desperate or delinquent and interact with bad conscience then the chances of emotional hurt and pain is more.

Internet friendships can also be affected by the rapidity of the exchange. In many internet dialogues and interactions it is not uncommon for strangers to have multiple heated and emotionally charged exchanges in a short time. It is amazing to see how such exchanges can bring out the best and the worst in people and when the dark side starts to surface then people are vulnerable to be emotionally bruised and friendships are vulnerable to suffer temporarily or permanently. Some socially conscious websites make sure that their members are not abused by other members and have high ethical standards and independent and powerful mediators..

The internet can be a blessing or a curse. It can provide an opportunity for those who shy personalities are free to express comfortably. But the internet like any other medium can be as useful or hurtful as the people who use it. It is a privilege but it also comes with certain responsibilities.

Whether as friends or lovers, those who respect the power of words and feelings of other human beings benefit a lot from it. On the other hand it can be a dangerous tool in the hands of frustrated, angry and bitter people. Internet relationships are a new chapter in human evolution and are gradually developing its own dynamics and identity.

Be careful, be cautious, and enjoy. But remember, the person on the other side of that written word is a stranger. We teach our children STRANGER DANGER. Practice it on the world wide web as well.