Charla's Song

It was one of the most powerfully emotional court watching experiences since Sharon Rocha finally had her chance to speak about Scott Peterson. Finally it was Soorya Townsley's turn to speak for her daughter, Charla Mack.

"I was one of those lucky mothers to be best friends with my daughter, we chatted three or four times every day. In those last years, Charla and I cleared our past mother-daughter conflicts.

Now when I awake, I feel a thick, deep-seated depression that is hard to shake off. I feel like I have weights all around my body and it is an effort to move. Just like an alcoholic. I have been forced to live moment-to-moment, not to think any further, because otherwise I might have to lie down and die of sorrow.

The day to day reality is I can no longer experience the living picture of Charla in my life. All this stopped now because of an indulgent, cowardly man. THIS MAN who decided to play GOD!!! I don't know if at this point I will ever find peace until I die.

Charla's dream was to sing professionally, or start a business developing seminars for couples. Charla believed she could tame Darren's rage and get him involved. There was a song she wanted to sing to Darren . . ."

And then the music started. It was Charla singing a country-western song. Suddenly, Charla was there in the courtroom, confronting them all. The murderer, the judge, the lawyers, the families, the friends. There she was reminding the of her sweetness, her beauty, her betrayal, her trust, her fear. She seemed to say:

THIS WAS ME
LOOK BEYOND HIS LIES, HIS CROCODILE TEARS,
THIS WAS ME
I BEGGED YOU TO PROTECT US,
THIS WAS ME
WE NEEDED YOUR HELP,
THIS WAS ME
YOU WOULDN'T LISTEN,
THIS WAS ME
HEAR MY SONG?
THIS WAS ME
HEAR ME NOW?
THIS WAS ME

~~~

Darren Mack, of the once respected and powerful Reno, NV Mack family, used privilege to plow his way through divorce court, to get it his way. He used anything he thought of to hold up the inevitable.

Lies and accusations, gave fuel to his reasons to stall paying alimony and child support for their precious daughter Erica.

When things seemed not to his liking, Mack upset with a turn in the contentious divorce proceedings, decided Judge Chuck Weller was corrupt.

He stabbed estranged wife, Charla at least seven times when she arrived at his home, (as ordered by the court) to drop off their daughter. Then he drove downtown to a parking garage, where he sniper-style shot Judge Weller from 170 yards away.

A note found in the condo where Charla's bloodstained body was found, made cryptic references to the plan. Simple, "Dan take Erica to Joan." On the morning of the killing Mack's longtime friend Dan Osbourne drove Erica to the home of mack's mother, Joan, at Mack's request. The note also mentioned the garage door at the condo being open before the words, "end problem".

The trial was moved to Las Vegas because of extensive media coverage and possible family influence in the close Reno community. It ended on November 5 when Mack entered his pleas after prosecutors had finished presenting their case. Soon after, Mack changed lawyers, and tried unsuccessfully to withdraw his pleas and get another trial.

Finally, District Judge Douglas Herndon listened to those left behind and then sentenced Darren Mack to a minimum of 36 years in prison, the maximum terms of a plea deal - life in prison with possibility of parole after 20 years on the murder charge.

The judge also upheld the prosecutor's recommendation of sentencing Mack to 40 years with parole, after an additional 16 years for attempted murder with a deadly weapon. Both terms are to run back-to-back.

In handing down the sentence, Herndon cited the heinous nature of the crimes and Mack's lack of remorse.

"The truth is, Mr. Mack is guilty of these crimes, but he doesn't want to hear anything about that," the judge said while emphasizing that while he allowed Mack to speak at length, he never said the one thing he hoped we would hear: "I'm sorry."

The judge went on to make an emotional plea for both families to "be be a bigger person" for the sake of the couple's nine year old daughter.

"You have a young child at a very impressionable age, soon to enter her teen years and the adult life. You all can either choose to raise her, disparaging both parents, or you cantry to get past the court cases, the criminal proceedings . . . and teach her the good things about both these parents.

She needs to be raised with hugs and kisses," Herndon said with tears in his eyes.

She also needs a mother who is alive, and a father who is not in prison.

But the needs of Erica and so many others didn't matter to Darren Mack, one more man, whose personal desires and needs, changed everything for so many. And the beat goes on.

Ambition and Technology – Sew High a Price

Trial Bloggers vie for position in the trial gallery, assuming their self-important bloviating will be validated by where they sit, who they speak to, and who may deign to acknowledge them.

One Blogger jostles positions and draws attention with false friendliness and advice for the technically challenged in this brave new kind of courtroom.

Reported: The Judge smiles at the Blogger. Twice!

Reported: The Blogger hears that the Prosecutor is following the Blog's observations closely. It must be true because he walks into Court daily with a huge smile and wink directly to the Blogger.

Reported: The Defense team assigns a monitor to the Blog and the Message Boards for ideas on tactics.

How much of this is real? Impossible to know since much of it may be rumor, and friendly greetings may be just that – friendly greetings to a familiar face.

Reported: Families of the victim have asked not to be bothered by anyone, but they are in close contact with the Blogger away from the scene. There is a measure of comfort in the support for them that the Blogger reflects an honest mirror in a sea of misdirection. When the Blogger is banned from the Message Boards the family is bereft at the loss of those postings. They now have to rely on the Blog alone.

Reported: Dominick Dunne seems to accept, even enjoy the Blogger's camaraderie.
Also reported by someone who was an actual witness to events: "Dominick Dunne did not have any interest in the Blogger. He actually used her from time to time as an unpaid gopher. It was not buddy-buddy as you might be led to believe."

Reported: Jurors seek out the Blogger after the trial to correct a wrong impression.

If a Blogger can make you "believe" will it not feed the feeling of importance that Narcissistic Personality Disorder craves?

It's all going so well. The Blogger ascends the ladder, moves to the back row, where the "up-to-the minute reporters" sit with BlackBerry's and laptops. Sitting in the coveted – and in this curious world, reported on - back row, the Blogger's ambition is fulfilled. Prominence, recognition, the right to preen.

As the testimony happens, the Blogger is on the spot. The readers will get the scoop immediately and direct. The readers respond, "You are the BEST!" They hang on every word, share thoughts and feelings about every observation.

Interestingly, another crime is taking place right there in the Court.

What would law enforcement, prosecutors, jurors, and families on both sides think if it was revealed that the Blogger's sudden technological ability, this in-the-moment reporting is due to an associate devising a way for the Blogger's new Wi-Fi connection to be stolen from a provider?

And if the Blogger is willing to resort to that kind of dishonesty, how much of what they have reported and will report can be believed?

From Imaginary case-within-case files: Theft is reported and the Blogger is escorted from the gallery of the murder trial to face criminal charges of a different kind. Read on if you think this is impossible.

Tapping into Other's Wi-Fi Can Get You Arrested

Have you ever been someplace besides your home or office with the old laptop in hand and attempted to "sniff out" a Wi-Fi access so you can get online? A hotel, a coffee shop, the doctor's office, the airport, or even Courtroom? Well you better be careful in the future, because apparently stealing tapping into a Wi-Fi connection that you do not have authorization to do so can get you arrested.

Michigan resident Sam Peterson was arrested after he was caught repeatedly stealing Wi-Fi from a cafe. Mr. Peterson was arrested under a Michigan law barring access to anyone else's network without authorization. The complaint reasons that since the cafe's Wi-Fi network was reserved for (paying) customers and Peterson never came into the cafe, he was essentially piggybacking off of the open network without authorization.

From the original story:

The arrest came about because Peterson apparently showed up to the Union Street Cafe to use its free Wi-Fi from the comfort of his car, and he did so every single day. A police officer grew suspicious of Peterson and eventually questioned him as to what he was up to. Peterson, not realizing that what he was doing was (at least) ethically questionable, told the officer exactly what he was doing. "I knew that the Union Street had Wi-Fi. I just went down and checked my e-mail and didn't see a problem with that," Peterson told a reporter.

Peterson's actions could result in a five-year felony and a $10,000 fine. Ouch!

It's very lucky for Peterson that prosecutors don't plan on making an example of him. Instead, he will have to pay a $400 fine and complete 40 hours of community service. I wonder if the amount of Internet access he stole borrowed comes close to the fine and hours he has to put in?

So next time you decide to tap into someone else's Wi-Fi connection, better check and see what the law says about it. Oh and if you do it, better not brag to people you intend to crap on either.

As Sir Walter Scott observed, "Oh what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive."

The word deceive implies that the deceiver knows that what he/she is doing is wrong – immoral or illegal. Replace the word deceiver with the word Blogger and think about it.

How to be a Message Board Despot

To begin, Misrepresent yourself. Don't speak too often, find more likable and articulate people and charm them so they will stick up for you.

Use these people to point others to your Blog of a high profile murder trial.

Use personal photo Avatar of yourself and spouse that is as old and phony as you are.

Make self available to answer questions briefly every evening at a not so busy hour. Praise others for their wit.

Use "Wit" of others as though it were your own in busy times. Thank everyone who compliments you on your quick mind with an "It was nothing" attitude.

Bring the "Woe is Me" stories of past problems on message boards out slowly, and only as an explanation for former victims comments.

Create acrimony on the boards and then use that bad feeling to woo others to your own board.

Bask in gratitude and tell everyone they're FREE AT LAST ! Allow everyone to settle in and bond.

Encourage attacks on posters at original board. Give advice and blessings. Join attacks under different Nic's because you are so Godlike that everyone will pick on you under your own name.

Start testing the waters of power by making pathetic little threats to shut down the board, veiled in concern that someone isn't respecting your privacy. Make it clear you want no trouble.

Accept apologies and assurances from others that they would never betray you. Beneficently allow board to stay open. Bask in attention.

Get banned at other board and cut all ties. Leave announcement saying that the other board is evil and you are glad to be rid of it, but not requiring anyone else to leave it.

Claim you don't care about other board, because you are above all of that pettiness.

Get jealous of more popular posters. Collect fawning STOOGES.

Make more announcements about how you "See the board going".

Make sad, hurt, boo hoo announcement about the posters still participating on other board. Start demanding participation in contests and games on your board.

Reiterate how evil and awful other board is, but make clear you are too spiritual and pure to demand that other posters (all full grown adults on their own time) stop posting on other board.

Begin to squeeze life out of board.

Refuse to accept offers to share expenses for operating message board. State your benevolence in paying the costs yourself. Forget to mention you have NO COST.

Interrupt ongoing conversations and divert discussion to yourself and your interests. Explain in full detail what you are “doing”, how you make “CROTCHWARMERS”, even if not asked for details.

Post pictures of CROTCHWARMERS you are hawking (Even though it is against TOS for anyone else to mention a home business).

Take the obligatory comments and praise as invitation to give information for every CROTCHWARMER in your line to other posters.

Take any comment about health, from constipation to gallstones as an open invitation to shove the fad diet you follow, down the throats of all posters. Ask personal questions about them, and claim that said diet has cured you of exactly what they have. Begin to ask for private health information from them.

By posting PHONY PHOTO conceal what this wondrous diet has made YOU look like.

Have loyal STOOGES start throwing TOS around for statements with words 'politics' and 'religion' in them, even if it is not the subject matter.

Whine and lecture posters about spending time anywhere but your board. Explain that you have everything they could want.

Open a private thread on the board, for only yourself and STOOGES. Go to thread and talk down posters who were invited to your board. Make fun of them, belittle them, all behind their backs.

NOTE: Make sure decent honest posters are blocked from this thread. They tend to get insulted when stumbling across it accidentally and seeing the Real You.

Pressure other posters to buy your CROTCHWARMERS. If you can find one with a business of their own put pressure on them, as a "Trusted Friend", to buy from you.

Once they give in and agree, send them recycled crap you've had in another place. Make them pay in PayPal, so you can get that cash out before they change their mind. Ship to suit yourself, the Hell with them.

Begin to snipe at posters for any little thing. Do this on the busiest thread, in front of other posters. Be sure to include hearts and smilies on these mean little reminders.

If poster objects to this treatment, post cold message on board scolding them for making their side of the disagreement public, and request that they take it to pm.

Have loyal STOOGES start posting how sad and hurt you are that people still show minds of their own. Make sure STOOGES suggest that everyone give up the stress of thinking and give into the ease of mindless following.

If independent posters persist in wanting to discuss topics that brought them all together instead of YOUR personal projects and interests, make an Edict forbidding these adults from talking about anything, except subjects you approve. Approved topics include how talented you are, how special you are, your CROTCHWARMERS, eating nasty bread, your pets, what a great writer you are, how special you are, how great you'll feel on the diet, CROTCHWARMERS, where you can buy expensive vitamin supplements to make up for nutrients not provided by the diet, how terrific you are, and, of course, .......CROTCHWARMERS.

Jump on anyone who does not follow the Edict. Include hearts and smilies. If any poster objects to being treated like a child, tear into them on the boards. Be incredibly rude and condescending.

Make sure to accuse them of disloyalty and tell them they should not be disagreeing in front of everyone else. Ignore the fact that you started it, and leave in a dignified huff.

If other posters show anger for your treatment of poster you attacked, back off and say you were misunderstood. You did not mean to say they couldn't talk about those things, just that they needed a different area on the board to do it in.

Notice posters are unhappy. Some leave and do not come back, others point out that you are becoming a DESPOT. Jump all over them, have your STOOGES do so as well.

Try to bring board together by approaching a poster who has suffered a devastating loss. Ask poster to tell everyone the story.

If poster refuses to allow you to exploit their deep pain, for the sake of bringing everyone together, accuse them of being selfish. Make sure they know how much they misunderstood your caring offer. Hope they feel ashamed and relent soon.

Use Administrative abilities to read private messages passing between disgruntled posters. Start a campaign to divide and conquer, pitting posters who still believe you against those who've had it.

Begin banning anyone who isn't fawning. Have STOOGES continue to harass them through other board or email. Assure those still trusting you that all is well. Make excuses for absence of posters. Holidays, moving, work.

Send STOOGES to ex-posters saying they are fed up too, in order to spy. Have spy report back to you. Tell remaining posters others are evil. Send nasty emails showing you have a SPY.

When spy is kicked to the curb, announce there may be a virus on message board to scare remaining posters. Close board and have late night telephone conferences with minions to plan revenge on disloyal posters who jumped ship.

Use name of poster from former failed message board to send out banning notices to any posters spy saw who disagreed with you. Make certain notices say how disappointing it is that you were totally misunderstood. Be sure they know this is all their fault.

Get more resignations from posters who are done with you.

Close board for 'Holidays'.

Find solace on sex oriented board started by aforementioned SPY.

Decide two posters and four STOOGES aren't going to keep the board going, leave it closed until you can find more trusting suckers.

Plan revenge and comeback while watching interest in Blog drop to zero.

Tough work but someone has to do it.

Narcissistic Personality Disorder?

"Blogger" posts a photo with mate on every message board entry possible. This is the person we relate to. The Avatar never changes - is always the same..

Recently a photo appeared, taken during PS trial watch. The real Blogger and another well-known poster. The photo is so incredibly opposite that represented - one more time the falsehoods and deceit are flagged.

Why? would any normal person go so far out of their way to imply they are someone else?

Could the answer be found in the works of Sam Vakin, Ph.D., in his Malignant Self Love - Narcissism Revisited?

"The narcissist resorts to self-delusion. Unable to completely ignore contrarian opinion and data – he transmutes them. Unable to face the dismal failure that he is, the narcissist partially withdraws from reality. To soothe and salve the pain of disillusionment, he administers to his aching soul a mixture of lies, distortions, half-truths and outlandish interpretations of events around him. These solutions can be classified thus:

The Delusional Narrative Solution

The narcissist constructs a narrative in which he figures as the hero – brilliant, perfect, irresistibly handsome, destined for great things, entitled, powerful, wealthy, the centre of attention, etc. The bigger the strain on this delusional charade – the greater the gap between fantasy and reality – the more the delusion coalesces and solidifies.

Finally, if it is sufficiently protracted, it replaces reality and the narcissist's reality test deteriorates. He withdraws his bridges and may become schizotypal, catatonic, or schizoid.

The Antisocial Solution

The narcissist renounces reality. To his mind, those who pusillanimously fail to recognise his unbound talents, innate superiority, overarching brilliance, benevolent nature, entitlement, cosmically important mission, perfection, etc. – do not deserve consideration. The narcissist's natural affinity with the criminal – his lack of empathy and compassion, his deficient social skills, his disregard for social laws and morals – now erupt and blossom. He becomes a full fledged antisocial (sociopath or psychopath). He ignores the wishes and needs of others, he breaks the law, he violates all rights – natural and legal, he holds people in contempt and disdain, he derides society and its codes, he punishes the ignorant ingrates – that, to his mind, drove him to this state – by acting criminally and by jeopardising their safety, lives, or property.

The Paranoid Schizoid Solution

The narcissist develops persecutory delusions. He perceives slights and insults where none were intended. He becomes subject to ideas of reference (people are gossiping about him, mocking him, prying into his affairs, cracking his e-mail, etc.). He is convinced that he is the centre of malign and mal-intentioned attention. People are conspiring to humiliate him, punish him, abscond with his property, delude him, impoverish him, confine him physically or intellectually, censor him, impose on his time, force him to action (or to inaction), frighten him, coerce him, surround and besiege him, change his mind, part with his values, victimise or even murder him, and so on.

Some narcissists withdraw completely from a world populated with such minacious and ominous objects (really projections of internal objects and processes). They avoid all social contact, except the most necessary. They refrain from meeting people, falling in love, having sex, talking to others, or even corresponding with them. In short: they become schizoids – not out of social shyness, but out of what they feel to be their choice. "This evil, hopeless world does not deserve me" – goes the inner refrain – "and I shall waste none of my time and resources on it."

The Paranoid Aggressive (Explosive) Solution

Other narcissists who develop persecutory delusions, resort to an aggressive stance, a more violent resolution of their internal conflict. They become verbally, psychologically, situationally (and, very rarely, physically) abusive. They insult, castigate, chastise, berate, demean, and deride their nearest and dearest (often well wishers and loved ones). They explode in unprovoked displays of indignation, righteousness, condemnation, and blame. Theirs is an exegetic Bedlam. They interpret everything – even the most innocuous, inadvertent, and innocent comment – as designed to provoke and humiliate them. They sow fear, revulsion, hate, and malignant envy. They flail against the windmills of reality – a pathetic, forlorn, sight. But often they cause real and lasting damage – fortunately, mainly to themselves.

The Masochistic Avoidant Solution

The narcissist is angered by the lack of Narcissistic Supply. He directs some of this fury inwards, punishing himself for his "failure". This masochistic behaviour has the added "benefit" of forcing the narcissist's closest to assume the roles of dismayed spectators or of persecutors and thus, either way, to pay him the attention that he craves.

Self-administered punishment often manifests as self-handicapping masochism – a narcissistic cop-out. By undermining his work, his relationships, and his efforts, the increasingly fragile narcissist avoids additional criticism and censure (negative supply). Self-inflicted failure is the narcissist's doing and thus proves that he is the master of his own fate.

Masochistic narcissists keep finding themselves in self-defeating circumstances which render success impossible – and "an objective assessment of their performance improbable" [Millon, 2000]. They act carelessly, withdraw in mid-effort, are constantly fatigued, bored, or disaffected and thus passive-aggressively sabotage their lives. Their suffering is defiant and by "deciding to abort" they reassert their omnipotence.

The narcissist's pronounced and public misery and self-pity are compensatory and "reinforce (his) self-esteem against overwhelming convictions of worthlessness" [Millon, 2000]. His tribulations and anguish render him, in his eyes, unique, saintly, virtuous, righteous, resilient, and significant. They are, in other words, self-generated Narcissistic Supply.

Thus, paradoxically, the worst his anguish and unhappiness, the more relieved and elated such a narcissist feels!

[Additional reading: Millon, Theodore and Davis, Roger – Personality Disorders in Modern Life, 2nd Edition – New York, John Wiley and Sons, 2000]

Note: The Prodigy as Narcissistic Injury

The prodigy – the precocious "genius" – feels entitled to special treatment. Yet, he rarely gets it. This frustrates him and renders him even more aggressive, driven, and overachieving than he is by nature.

Not all precocious prodigies end up under-accomplished and petulant. Many of them go on to attain great stature in their communities and great standing in their professions. But, even then, the gap between the kind of treatment they believe that they deserve and the one they are getting is unbridgeable.

This is because narcissistic prodigies often misjudge the extent and importance of their accomplishments and, as a result, erroneously consider themselves to be indispensable and worthy of special rights, perks, and privileges. When they find out otherwise, they are devastated and furious.

Moreover, people are envious of the prodigy. The genius serves as a constant reminder to others of their mediocrity, lack of creativity, and mundane existence. Naturally, they try to "bring him down to their level" and "cut him down to size". The gifted person's haughtiness and high-handedness only exacerbate his strained relationships.

In a way, merely by existing, the prodigy inflicts constant and repeated narcissistic injuries on the less endowed and the pedestrian. This creates a vicious cycle. People try to hurt and harm the overweening and arrogant genius and he becomes defensive, aggressive, and aloof. This renders him even more obnoxious than before and others resent him more deeply and more thoroughly. Hurt and wounded, he retreats into fantasies of grandeur and revenge. And the cycle re-commences.

Grandiosity and Intimacy – The Roots of Paranoia

Paranoid ideation – the narcissist's deep-rooted conviction that he is being persecuted by his inferiors, detractors, or powerful ill-wishers – serves two psychodynamic purposes. It upholds the narcissist's grandiosity and it fends off intimacy.

Grandiosity Enhancing Paranoia

Being the target of relentless, ubiquitous, and unjust persecution proves to the paranoid narcissist how important and feared he is. Being hounded by the mighty and the privileged validates his pivotal role in the scheme of things. Only vital, weighty, crucial, essential principals are thus bullied and intimidated, followed and harassed, stalked and intruded upon – goes his unconscious inner dialog. The narcissist consistently baits authority figures into punishing him and thus into upholding his delusional self-image as worthy of their attention. This provocative behaviour is called Projective Identification.

The paranoid delusions of the narcissist are always grandiose, "cosmic", or "historical". His pursuers are influential and formidable. They are after his unique possessions, out to exploit his expertise and special traits, or to force him to abstain and refrain from certain actions. The narcissist feels that he is at the centre of intrigues and conspiracies of colossal magnitudes.

Alternatively, the narcissist feels victimised by mediocre bureaucrats and intellectual dwarves who consistently fail to appreciate his outstanding – really, unparalleled – talents, skills, and accomplishments. Being haunted by his challenged inferiors substantiates the narcissist's comparative superiority. Driven by pathological envy, these pygmies collude to defraud him, badger him, deny him his due, denigrate, isolate, and ignore him.

The narcissist projects onto this second class of lesser persecutors his own deleterious emotions and transformed aggression: hatred, rage, and seething jealousy.

The narcissist's paranoid streak is likeliest to erupt when he lacks Narcissistic Supply. The regulation of his labile sense of self-worth is dependent upon external stimuli – adoration, adulation, affirmation, applause, notoriety, fame, infamy, and, in general, attention of any kind.

When such attention is deficient, the narcissist compensates by confabulating. He constructs ungrounded narratives in which he is the protagonist and uses them to force his human environment into complicity.

Put simply, he provokes people to pay attention to him by misbehaving or behaving oddly.

Intimacy Retarding Paranoia

Paranoia is use by the narcissist to ward off or reverse intimacy. The narcissist is threatened by intimacy because it reduces him to ordinariness by exposing his weaknesses and shortcomings and by causing him to act "normally". The narcissist also dreads the encounter with his deep buried emotions – hurt, envy, anger, aggression – likely to be foisted on him in an intimate relationship.

The paranoid narrative legitimises intimacy repelling behaviours such as keeping one's distance, secrecy, aloofness, reclusion, aggression, intrusion on privacy, lying, desultoriness, itinerancy, unpredictability, and idiosyncratic or eccentric reactions. Gradually, the narcissist succeeds to alienate and wear down all his friends, colleagues, well-wishers, and mates.

Even his closest, nearest, and dearest, his family – feel emotionally detached and "burnt out".

The paranoid narcissist ends life as an oddball recluse – derided, feared, and loathed in equal measures. His paranoia – exacerbated by repeated rejections and ageing – pervades his entire life and diminishes his creativity, adaptability, and functioning. The narcissist personality, buffeted by paranoia, turns ossified and brittle. Finally, atomised and useless, it succumbs and gives way to a great void. The narcissist is consumed."

What can the victims of these social misfits do to avoid being duped? How can they see this personality for what it is?